|
|
The
Pokemon Obituary
Greetings this is GokuFievel of the GokuFievel Anime Times and we have a very sad and special Obituary to present to you today. Ladies and Gentlemen the time we thought would never come has come…yes indeed ladies and gentlemen…the Pokemon craze has finally died. The craze is over, the merchandise is useless, the card game is very much a distant memory, the movies that were once were sold out are now in the discount area of the rental stores, the children who’s eyes glissimed when they saw their favorite Pokemon have either grown up or taken their allegiance to Harry Potter.
The Pokemon craze
and Pikachu officially died on November 15th 2001 near its 2-year
anniversary of the release of its first movie. But many speculated and already
knew that it was already going to die long before November 15th.
Here is the official GokuFievel Pokemon Obituary
The Pokemon Craze
was born in Japan in 1997 it was given birth by the Nintendo Company who had
researched and came up with the idea as far back as 1995. The proud parents of
Pokemon Nintendo got pregnant with Pokemon when they were trying to come up
with new a video game concept. Then they found out the roots of human nature
that people from the beginning love to: hunt, collect things, train, and fight.
Therefore Nintendo gave birth to Pokemon in Japan! Pokemon was born and raised
in the land of the rising sun, the Japanese people went crazy over them! It was
the hottest item they’ve seen since…the last craze, which was…like the week
before (a Japanese joke). But anyway the Japanese fell in love with the new
Pokemon craze and as a tradition what Nintendo gave to Japan that was popular
must come to America. Therefore in the year 1997 and 1998 Pokemon started to
enter America. At first the people and the kids didn’t see much of it nor into
it. But once the year 1999 rolled in more and more American children got into
the craze and before long they just all had to “Catch Em’ All!” But once the
kids of America got into to this fad very passionately and very effectively the
very sensitive American parents got fearful for their children, mainly because
the parents didn’t understand what the whole craze was about even though the
kids would try their best to explain it to them.
The Video Games,
the card games, the TV Show, and then the movies made multi-million dollars in
the USA alone. Nintendo had it made big and in a small sense it even somewhat
helped the American economy at the time. Toys R’ Us and toy stores around the
country had never seen such a craze in years selling out of every Pokemon
product imaginable. But with great success comes great problems. When Pokemon
was popular in Japan it was very much respected, but once Pokemon entered the
United States it was in a whole new ball game. Despite it’s success here in
America it came at a price. Once the Pokemon Craze was officially a craze it
became a perfect target for: Christian Coalitionists, Movie Critics, and Late
Night Comedy, not to mention angry and confused parents. Christian
Coalitionists (this is true) started bon fires burning thousands of dollars
worth of Pokemon toys saying that the Pokemon craze was of the devil! Movie
Critics were very upset and confused with the whole craze, a Time Magazine
movie critic just plain said in the magazine that he “Gave up” and didn’t get
it when he would easily criticize other films. And Late Night Comedy from David
Letterman to Saturday Night Live just tortured the new fad labeling it “gay”
and “stupid” But despite its major obstacles it did very well here in America
and then in late 1999 early 2000 Pokemon went over to Europe where it also did
well there, but not as long. The craze was unlike any other, far surpassing the
Ninja Turtles in covering and popularity. People began to believe that the
Pokemon craze would never ever go away, but finally it did just the same. After
a failing 2nd and much worse 3rd movie, not to mention
the low income of the Johto Journeys Pokemon eventually and finally passed
away, and it left just as mysterious as it came.
Due to the lack of
good storylines, better villains, and not very attractive new Pokemon from the
Johto League the children of America began to lose interest. It’s third film
bombed at the box office, the TV ratings went down, and to top it all off
America went to war for real but not with Pokemon but with terrorists, on
September 11th 2001 for the third time in American history and for
the first time in 60 years the United States of America came under attack on
it’s own soil by Afghanistan terrorists destroying the World Trade Center, The
Pentagon, airliners, and excessive damage to New York City practically hurling
all children of the country into a realization that the real world means
business. The children who started to become scared and confused with all of
the violence going on in the real world, violence that the parents complained
that Pokemon had, now seemed like a joke compared to what real violence is. The
children of America then turned their allegiance to Harry Potter once the film
came out in November. Children began reading the new books back in the year
2000 and it became a small fad but then it was Harry Potter’s turn to become a
craze himself, leaving his predecessor Pokemon in the dust. Thus the Pokemon
craze and Pikachu died on November 15th 2001 the day before the
Harry Potter movie came out.
I know that everybody will disagree with me when I say this, however I do believe that Pokemon for one could have been saved and lasted longer, and could have been a whole lot better than what it was. If only Pokemon had just gotten much more meaner and eviler Team Rocket villains, and if they had just made Jesse and James be defeated once and for all instead of always coming back. Remember the key to a great saga continuing is the fact that you must have great and powerful villains. You start out small, but then you progress to the more powerful villains. They should have fought Mewtwo to the death, the Original Team Rocket either defeated for good, or they should have become good guys and much worse Team Rocket villains should have taken over. Pokemon Movie 3 should have been about Ash and Pikachu taking on the whole Team Rocket Army all at once instead of some girl’s daydreams of the “Unknown”
It is my opinion that Pokemon could have been something greater and better if it had just gotten a little less cute and cuddly. The final mistake of Pokemon, which lead to its death, was the Johto Journey Pokemon. The Pokemon of the Silver and Gold versions were terrible, too cute, and above all lame! I would have gladly written scripts and designed new and more attractive fighting Pokemon to keep the series going. They could have made into something better, but that’s not what happened and now, it’s fate has been sealed.
Pokemon died at
the Dr. Nielsen’s FAD Hospital for the fad’s and crazes where other memorable
crazes like the Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles and He-man have passed away.
Pokemon is remembered by it’s true fans who still remember those cute little
guys and how for even in a small way touched the lives of Japanese and American
children plus adults alike. The funeral for the Pokemon craze and Pikachu was
set for November 30th 2001 the funeral went well with a surprising
high attendance except for the lack of fans. Pokemon, despite the fact that
many Americans, parents, Christians Coalitionists, and people hated you; you
shall be very much missed. And make no mistake about it; you are now apart of
our American pop culture history forever.
The adorable
Pikachu is now seen as an old annoyance, the other 150 Pokemon have either died
or have nowhere else to go and their careers just might be over forever. The
cute Mew is now just about forgotten, the long trails from Pallet Town and
beyond are now just empty roads, the areas where Pokemon bug catchers used to
roam free catching Butterfree’s and Metapod’s have vanished from the bright
green landscape. The trails and roads that Pokemon trainers used to get from
town to town to catch them all are now vacant lonely road ways only used by
travelers who wish for nothing else except to get from point A to point B. The
Pokemon Gyms are now completely empty, thieves and trespassers have taken all
the precious artifacts and useful appliances. Some gyms remain and try their
best to hang on and stay alive like Keno of the Pokemon gym near Viridian City,
“We’re trying our best just to stay afloat, the good news is there are some
Pokemon Trainers still coming here but not nearly as it used to be” “Why is
that?” I asked him. “The fire is gone…well what I mean is the Pokemon battles
used to be HUGE and accelerating and very actionative. But now it’s like these
trainers don’t battle their Pokemon like they used to. They do it as a hobby
now, they fight now like it’s a chore that is what I mean by the fire being
out”
The islands where
great scientists made scientific history by cloning Pokemon and other great
research the laboratories now lie abandoned and fester with mother nature
trying to reclaim itself from the very people that did experiments on them.
“The Islands where the Pokemon Scientists did their research look an awful lot
like Jurassic Park”, says Dr. Marvin who was an assistant to the great Dr.
Blaine on Cinnabar Island. “We created Mewtwo here, then he blew up the place
in a violent rage!” “We rebuild and extended current labs but then…something
went wrong” “What?” I asked. “Suddenly…Pokemon research wasn’t needed anymore
because Pokemon was no longer a source for anything interesting anymore.” Said
Dr. Marvin in a sad nervous voice.
The only past
Pokemon industry that has not only not gotten destroyed or defeated from the
death of the craze but it has actually gotten more powerful and rich off of it.
And those are the major cities that used to host major Pokemon Tournaments,
when Pokemon was declared dead by the children of the world the major cities thought
that their economy would go down in flames…but it didn’t. “We were devastated
when we got word that the Pokemon craze was dead, we already lost BILLIONS
literally over night when we had to shut down Pokemon gyms and Pokemon
corporations.” Said the former CEO Kenneth Markfield of the Pokemon Business
Industry in “But then we saw new stocks
coming in that were not Pokemon related that were actually doing real well. So
we started investing in new businesses and companies and it worked! Suddenly we
had new businesses coming our way plus plenty of new jobs.”
The GokuFievel
Times sent a scout reporter on ahead to see what happened to Team Rocket since
after the death of the craze Team Rocket vanished. A few days later my scout
reporter came back to me with a DEAD Meowth in his arms!
My scout reporter
went on ahead to one of the last remaining Team Rocket Headquarters only to see
it in ruins, on fire, and completely destroyed. Meowth was the only survivor.
My reporter told me that Meowth had told him that a Special Forces Marines had
destroyed the last Team Rocket headquarters and personally slaughtered and
killed each and every last Team Rocket member without showing the slightest
mercy. The Militia Marines were mistaking Team Rocket for a Terrorist
organization.
Meowth’s final
words were that Jesse and James of Team Rocket were last seen giving each other
a kiss before an angry soldier shot them in a blind rage shouting out, things
about ‘the fact that Pokemon hooked his kids with their garbage’ and such.
We have turned
over Meowth’s body to the Pokemon Funeral Home for him to be buried next to
Pikachu being the closest Meowth will ever be to catching him.
To put it simply
the funeral was very beautiful and well done yet also tragic and upsetting.
Nothing too fancy but nothing too low either. All of the remaining Pokemon that
had survived the horrible aftermath of the Pokemon crazes death had showed up
for the Pokemon craze and Pikachu’s funeral. We laid them to rest in the “Lone
Ranger Cemetery” where other great children fads and crazes have been laid to
rest such as: Howdey-Doody, some of the unknown Muppets, He-man was laid to
rest here, all 4 of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lye in rest here, the
Power Ranger craze lies here yet the Power Ranger’s bodies could never be
found. And now, the Pokemon craze along with Pikachu and other known Pokemon
have come to be laid to rest here. Pokemon will get the best of treatment as
they have a whole acre area of the cemetery to themselves. Just to be fair to
the families of those lost, here are other Pokemon who have died when the
Pokemon craze died.
Ash’s Charizard
died only moments after the craze died after 7:30 PM at the Charizard refuge.
Ash’s Squirtle,
Bulbasaur, Butterfree, and Krabby were also found out to be dead and will also be
laid to rest here. Ash also lost many other personal Pokemon.
Poor Misty, lost
her Togapei, it never got to grow up as it died while still half in its egg.
All of Ash’s Johto
Pokemon died; they never stood a chance once the craze died.
Entire species of
Pokemon went extinct and they could only bury a lucky few to symbolize what
species had been lost and what species survived when the craze died. I don’t
have room to list them all however one of them was Gender and Jinx being that
they were already ghost Pokemon they are now forever dead not even to appear as
ghosts anymore. Many bug Pokemon wound up extinct yet there was a handful of
them that did survive to keep the species alive. Most rare Pokemon are now
extinct like: Porygon, Snorlax, and a few of the legendary birds. However there
were reports that some Articuno’s and Zapdos’ were seen after the death of the
craze. Fish Pokemon were practically wiped out with only a handful of species
swimming around, and most plant Pokemon were never seen again assumed to be
extinct.
However amazingly
Mewtwo and Mew have survived the death of the craze and were seen sitting on
the front row seats at the funeral. Mewtwo looked very concentrative and even
little bit angry. But he mostly looked like Vegeta when sitting down waiting
for something. All of Mewtwo’s clones have survived and word has it that Mewtwo
offered to give Ash his copy of Pikachu but Ash refused.
Meowth as I have said before was killed along with Team Rocket by the U.S.
Marines and I have sent the same scout reporter to Washington D.C. for an
explanation on why they killed Team Rocket yet sent other Terrorists to Camp
X-Ray.
The speeches at
the funeral were beautiful and memorable. Ash kept crying whenever he’d try to
explain his life with Pikachu and the other Pokemon that had died. Misty was in
tears almost the whole time but knowing her she tried to pretend that she was
tough about it so whenever she’d think that somebody was looking at her she’d
try to dry her tears and look tough. Brock, of all times decided to hit on the
girls that attended the funeral but winded up having himself thrown in a pond
by an angry Officer Jenny.
Then Harry Potter
gave a speech, although he wasn’t entirely booed of the stage, the Pokemon and
the people were looking at him as if they wanted to kill him. So Harry summed
up his speech and left quickly to his (new) Warner Brothers limo. Then out of
the limo came a Warner Brothers executive who decided out all of the times in
the world to do this, he had to do it now. But he walked up to the Podium and
said, “Ash, Misty, Professor Oak, please sign these papers” Ash asked what did
the papers say and the executive wouldn’t tell until they signed the papers. So
Ash asked again what did they sign for and the executive said from the podium,
“Oh nothing it just says that um…you resign your contract with Warner Brothers
and that well um…we now have no business with the likes of you anymore. You
guys are now out of your contract that includes all of the paychecks, money, and
merchandise. So in other words…we are now no longer business partners, heck
we’re not even friends anymore. In case you haven’t noticed but Harry Potter’s
new movie just broke the all time movie record for box office in a single day,
Harry Potter is making WAY more money than you sissies ever did, so as it’s
said in Hollywood, we have to go where the money is. Oh, and um…sorry about the
death of Pipi-chu” “Pikachu!” (Ash interrupted) “Pipi-chu, Pikachu yeah
whatever, sorry about the death of Pikachu and Pokemon but I’m afraid that it’s
YOUR LOSS not mine anymore. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go to a Harry
Potter PARTY over at Warner Brothers see ya later losers!!!” As the executive
danced off with the denied contact he was whistling “We’re in the money” then
as he got into the limo with Harry Potter, Harry looked out towards Ash and
said, “Don’t wait up for us Ash” then Harry put on some sunglasses trying to
look cool, then the executive said from the limo, “Oh, and Ash don’t call us,
we’ll call you if we need you for anything” “Yeah” says Harry, “Like the
janitor’s office. Ha! Ha! Ha!” Then the Warner Brothers limo drove away while
Ash was staring a hole through that that car, then he said, “And I thought Gary
was mean!”
Then after the
Warner Brother’s humiliation it was time to bury the dead. First they played
“Amazing Grace” like all funerals do when they begin to bury people but then
they switched the music to “Gotta Catch Em’ All” Then the Pokemon Craze was 6
feet under only several feet away to where the Power Ranger craze was buried
followed by the Ninja Turtle craze. Then they had to bury Pikachu, this is
where Ash really started to lose it as he started to bang on Pikachu’s casket
screaming, “No! No! No! Come back Pikachu! I can’t go on without you! No!
Pikachu! I love you! Noooo!” Misty then escorted the raging Ash, as he had to
see Pikachu’s casket be lowered 6 feet under. Once again they played “Amazing
Grace” at first but then the choir and the bands switched to “I love you
Pikachu” and then to “You and me we’re a miracle” (from the first movie) Once
both caskets were lowered the gravediggers began filling the holes with dirt.
Misty had to escort Ash out, while he was still crying. It was a very sad
funeral.
We’ve received word
that Ash decided not to return home to his mother and Misty has decided not to
return back to the Water Gym instead the both of them left together back on the
road but this time without Pokemon, without protection, it was just the two of
them. My scout reporter said that he saw Ash and Misty holding hands the whole
walk and they never even started a fight!
We found out later
that Brock was arrested for 150 counts of sexual harassment to several officer
Jenny’s and Nurse Joy’s. The lawsuit came when after the Pokemon funeral Brock
went over to a club and severely sexually harassed several women. Brock was
also arrested for being over intoxicated. Many were shocked to see him at a
bar, as officer Jenny explains. “You know we’ve put up with his bad boy attitude
only because all of us officer Jenny’s wanted to be friends with Pikachu but
now it’s time to show Brock that the law is the law and that us women will not
be tolerated for such accounts. Also I arrested Brock for drinking under the
influence after the Pokemon funeral he practically crawled into a bar and drank
himself to way beyond the legal limit.” “The guy just came in here so depressed
I felt so sorry for him that I forgot to see if he was 21” says the local bar
tender. “You know ever since the Pokemon craze died and many trainers have lost
their Pokemon because of it many adults and teens have been coming in here
drowning their sorrows in alcohol. It’s sad really, but I haven’t had this much
business since…ever” “The stupid guy just wouldn’t shut up about how his Vulpix
died from the Craze’s death!” Says another drinker who says that he sat next to
Brock as he was drinking. “He kept bragging about where he’d been with his
Pokemon and about how he had been the best, then he got all crazy with his drunkenness
that he suddenly proclaimed that he was God’s gift of women. He must have had
like ten glasses I have no idea how he held his bladder or his stomach.” Now
Brock is in jail awaiting trail for under aged drinking and sexual harassment
charges. Amazingly Brock said to my scout reporter that quote, “Great I’ve
become my father, oh well at least I didn’t run out on a family I could have
had. My father also drowned his sorrows away with beer when he failed to become
a great Pokemon trainer then he ran away from our family. Some father…and now
I’m him!” Brock may be looking at ten years in jail.
Gary Oak the once
ideal and powerful Pokemon trainer is forever at the gym’s hall of fame however
he too is looking at a sexual lawsuit one of his cheerleaders said that he took
advantage of her in bed! Gary not only denies this but he says that he’s still
a virgin so there’s no way that could have happened. Gary has lost most of his
Pokemon too however he saved many of them and plans to open up a Pokemon memorial
museum along with all of the scientific data that his grandfather Professor Oak
had discovered. Gary is rumored to be engaged to one of his cheerleaders
however he still denies any accusations. According to my scout reporter he says
that Gary’s neither such a proud hot shot nor a really bad guy. However you can
see in his eyes that pride in him. Gary acts and pretends that nothing has
happened to the Pokemon craze but my scout reporter told me that he looked into
Gary’s eyes and he could see denial and fear even though he acts like nothing
bad has happened.
The Special Forces
Marine group caught killing Team Rocket was captured by the Japanese
government. It turns out they were a certain militia that wanted reward money
for the capture and kill of Team Rocket not to mention they wanted payback for
their anger against Pokemon. A movie director wants to remake a film about “The
Death of Team Rocket” He also wants to add some shockingly revealing info that
before Jesse and James were killed that they were planning to marry and become
a family criminal organization, were caught “Doing it” before they were shot.
But now there are complaints that, that would be too inaccurate.
Mewtwo has
auditioned for a part on the hit Anime DragonBall
Z. However upset fans were concerned about Mewtwo and Mew
appearing on the American version of DBZ since they weren’t in the Japanese
version. Therefore FUNimation had to give up Mewtwo for a part on DragonBall Z
and instead helped him make the special effects with his psychic powers.
And as for me,
GokuFievel, I will KEEP the “Pokemon Clear Up” Page up for those of you who are
still pondering about what happened with Pokemon and what it was all about when
it was a hit. But as for now, we here by officially deem this Japanese-American
Craze “Over” and “Dead”
You will be sorely
missed, and sorely in the back of all of our minds, people like me are going to
miss, making fun of you!
And………
